Things I'd like to do in 2012

As 2011 is winding down, I realize that there were many things that I wanted to do and haven't done.  Int he spirit of the new year, this is my list of things I would like to do in 2012.

- Get a job. (It's been 2 months)
- Reach my 1st goal weight of 180 by April and my target weight of 160 by the end on October.
- Get more into the Word. I really lacked on that this year. God needs to come first.
- Get another tattoo (or a few ;])
- Move out
- Maintain at least a 3.5 GPA
- Write and record more music and finish the projects I have going.
- Walk my dogs more often.
- Try eating more vegan at home. (3 year vegetarian)
- Go camping
- Save money
- Fly to Arizona to visit Flower
- Go to as many shows as I can and see my favorite bands
- Make new friends
- Ride Lex Luther at 6 flags once it opens.
- Be nicer to people (I am really mean I guess, as in, I generally don't like people lol)
- Respect my parents. (As in try to have a relationship with them and try not fight as much)
- Be a better sister, friend, daughter, person.
- When I get a job, to remember to tithe.
- Be more social with my friends (Call/txt people back, put more effort into my friendships ie. Be the first one to call/txt instead of waiting for weeks to hear from someone)
- Visit Christian more often. (I miss my bestfriend/brother)

As of right now, these are the things that I want to do for 2012.  We will see how it goes.  I am trying to stay positive, this year wasn't terrible but it wasn't that great either... especially with the getting laid off and all.  O well.  Here's to looking forward :)

Married Young

So I just somehow stumbled across a bunch of my old"friend's" Facebook pages.... and dang.  A lot of them are married now and stuff.  Fuhhhh.  I can't even imagine myself married.  That sucks. No disrespect to those who find real love and are happily married, but dang, most of them weren't even done with school or have a real career going.  I would never ever marry someone and just throw away all the years of schooling that I have been paying for for so freaking long.  I don't know, I just feel like getting married real young, especially when you are going to school and have no real career is crazy. I do have a few friends who are my age and are happily married and I am happy for them (They are the exception to the rule :]), but I also see those people that I knew that are struggling real  hard, or that they had to stop their education because they had a kid or married the wrong person.  Tough stuff.
 Ok well enough of this. haha I need to sleep! Going to 6 flags in the a.m.

:>

Not all girls are like you or your friends.

So, today I found out that some girl that I barely know, hardly ever said more than a simple "hi" to basically assumed that just because a guy friend of mine took me out to dinner, it must mean I am "f**cking" him.

I prbly won't say this to her, because, c'mon, who the heck likes to start drama but I need to rant this out because I am angry and because to me, this subject is very personal and sacred.

Ok, yea. My friend took me to dinner the other night. We had a good time. Just shared some casual friendship time catching up and stuff.  I don't know about you, but, not all girls have sex for dinner. Not all guys take a girl to dinner because they want sex in return. Um.. also, I think it sad that you talk about how you love Jesus and how Christian you are, when the first thing you asked my friend was "if you're not dating her, are you at least "f**cking?" and then when my friend tells you that he doesn't have sex,  you burst out laughing and say "Oh, I  feel sorry for you, you need to get laid"... really?

You know what, you are freaking retarded. You're a dumb girl.  Laughing at someone's choice about abstinence is just disrespectful, especially coming form a "Jesus lover".  If you for some idiotic reason thought I came off as a girl who just sleeps around, I'll let you know that I PROUDLY am holding on to my virginity and I GLADLY follow the Word of God and I WILLINGLY wait for the day that I get married and share that most intimate part with my Husabnd.

ps. Your caked on make-up looks fabulous.

End rant.

Real Life Changes.

Yep.  Change is needed. I need it.  In a few weeks I will be finding out just how drastic my life may change.  I think it will be a good thing.  God knows how horrific it has been the past few months. Especially between my mom and I.  I am so mad and irritated still. I think that i need to physically not be around her in order for us to have any type of relationship. Anyhow, this news I am waiting for will decide how far I go.

As a way of showing myself that I am serious about this, I have started looking for jobs in other areas other than Bakersfield.  Hoping for good news.

Truth is I don't care if anyone knows

I am done with you. Done with your blame game, your pious self, your fakeness and your self righteousness. I really don't give a cent if people read this.  It might be immature, but since I was 13 I had to act like an adult and hide things in, but today, I am done with that. I am done letting you make people think you are someone you are not.

Mom,

I am an amazing daughter.  Despite all that you say, I know that any one would love to have me as a daughter.  I've never in my life done any drugs.  Never been drunk. I believe in purity. I go to church. I am active in church. I volunteered my free time on Friday nights to give free voice lessons to your church choir.  I graduated high school with honors. I got my associated degree three weeks after I turned 18. I got a job at a law firm as a Paralegal two weeks after.  I maintained my job and even made it to the point where my boss trusted me to have my own office, in a different building, away from him and I managed it and a secretary twice my age for about a year while I was only 21. I got laid off October 31st due to the firm slowing down. I didn't quit or get fired. I am still in college. I don't know about you, but I don't know many people my own age who have accomplished half of what I have done... not to say I am better than anyone else, because I am not.

Today, I am finally drawing the line.  I never in my life thought that you could sink so low.  You've done many stupid things to me throughout out my life, but today, I am done putting up with it.  If I ever become a mother, I WILL BE NOTHING LIKE YOU. I will never force my daughter to quit roller skating... because "girls aren't supposed to skate".  I will never force my daughter to do ballet, jazz dance, gymnastics, and cheerleading, 'cus thats what "girl are supposed to do".  I will never ever ask my daughter or son to give me their personal information so that I can get government money because I am sketchy and don't report that I have a business and want free money. No! I will never do that. I will also never blackmail my own child and threaten to throw them out on the street, knowing that they haven't even received any unemployment benefits, so that I can benefit from their misfortune.

There are so many messed up things that you do and you act like your'e a saint. You know something? I HATE when people from your church come up to me and ask me if I am your daughter and then they rave about how great you are and how nice you are. I REALLY HATE when young girls or girls my age come up to me and tell me how cool you are and how they wish you were their mom. You know why I hate it? Because when they tell me that, I don't know who the hell they are talking about. Because that mother, is not my mother.  You know what else I hate, when these people tell me how you rave about how I can play the piano, guitar, drums, bass and how I sing and write music and how proud you are of me. I hate it because you use me to gain popularity in your church. "Oh my daughter does this... My daughter does that...".  You're a pious church rat. I will never use my child as a way to be popular... especially amongst church people.

Mark my words,  the moment I get a job, I will be leaving your house. Because today I saw a monster inside of you and that, I can not live with.  I don't hate you, but you have been tearing my self esteem, my integrity, and my dignity since I was in middle school. Im done putting up with it. Because me, I am a good person and I deserve better.

I Hate When I Do That

I just mega bummed myself out :(

You know,
when you look back and all you create reminds you of that time...? You know what I am talking about.
I don't know if it feels worse for me because I am a writer or if it's because it has been years and still my output consist of this one period of my life.

I've been through this over and over and still... it's as if I haven't learned, but I have.. I just act like I haven't. Lame.  I'll be okay. Just wish I wasn't the one bumming myself out.

So It's Been A While

My apologies.

Everything has just really been BLEH for the most part.  THings are going okay.  Still looking for a job. I've been to a few interviews, one yesterday. We'll see if anything happens.  So pretty much all I am going to bog about is the past weekend and how perfect it was!

Friday:
- Driving to Chino to see my friends in the Rugged Spud play and to see Dynasty.
- Getting to see my lil brother man play with the spuds. Warms my heart <3
 - Yelling/Chanting along to every Dynasty song!!! I went NUTS! Crowd jumped and yelled my heart out!
- Hung out with some of my best guy friends, although there was a wee bit of annoyance, it all got taken care of

Saturday:
- DOAK!! in Baersfied
- Leesh and I hanging at the merch table... kinda felt cool, not gonna lie. haha.
- After party at Leesh's parents.
- Listening to Doak tour stories... my favorite was Billy's diarrhea horror story haha

Sunday:
- Drove down to LA to see Touche Amore, Sea Haven, La Dispute and Pianos become teeth with Jessica and Diego
- Singing along to every Sea Haven song :)
- HOLY COW! PUSH MOSH CROWD KILLER!!!
- Jessica and I almost dying from all the crowd surfers haha
- Denny's time
- Sleep over at Jessica's!

So yea pretty much it was awesome.  Some how, my broke ass found a way to have one heck of a good weekend with out spending too much. Shweet.

Whatever.... This is a sucky post.

So pretty much scratch out everything that I said in the previous post. I am pissed. I am sad. I am annoyed and irritated and I am upset. Today is my 22 nd birthday and what I thought was going to be an awesome new year of life, has already started out crappy. The job That was lined up for me fell through. So now I am jobless. My last pay check is on the 31st. Sigh. This really does suck. I hate being a Debbie downer. I hate being stressed :/ I am sad that today is supposed to be a happy day but all I'm feeling is anger and sadness.... This post is a huge rant... Sorry. I hate that one of the reasons I am upset is because I can't help but remember my 19th birthday. I hate that birthday. I hate that year of my life. I don't even know why I am remembering it. Maybe it's cus I have lost complete touch with this person... But it was for the better.... Right? For some retarded reason I was expecting a txt or MSG from him...how stupid. All I can think of is having breakfast at Corner Bakery and him buying my blue Vans and spending the day together... Efff. I need to stop... Sometimes I think that I remember most when another person shows interest... And then I begin to panic inside because I can't let anybody in. Never. Again. Ya know? Thats what I think sometimes, and it bums me out. Sorry. I hope I don't bum anybody else... I'll get through it... This week has just been hard to get through.

Laid Off/Weekend Re-Cap/Cheers.

I just got laid off.

10 days before my birthday and I ain’t even mad about it. I actually smiled when I read the e-mail from my boss LOL!!

I secured a better job 2 weeks ago. Better pay, benefits, plus gas and milage, plus a possible opportunity for travel and a company car and it works around my school schedule. HAHAHAHAHA I am not mad, upset or worried at all.

The past (almost) 4 years have been ridiculous! Working for a person who doesn’t appreciate you, awknowledge your education and belittles you because of your age is not something I am sad to let go of. I am so ready for this new journey. Actually. I am excited!!

 

On another note,

 

This weekend RULED! It was interesting to say the least. Diego took us all around LA, Hollywood and stuff. Here are some of my favorite parts.

 

• Listening to Diego's playlist: Disney's Up soundtrack, Tigers Jaw, Defeater, Regina Spektor
• Spontaneous trips to the observataory.... o wait... roads closed! lol
• Spontaneous trip to the LA ZOO!!
• Running around the zoo trying to find the big cats before they put them away... we got there at 4:40... They put the big animals away at 5.
• Adorable little "IM ZITED!!!!!" 4 year old at the Meerkat exhibit <3 (how in the world do you spell meerkat? mearcat?)
• THE GROVE! The "Farmer's Market" is awesome!!!
• Alisha giving me an axiety attack because she just HAD to have me eat at the same place as her...
• Waiting 30 minutes to get my food..... =/
• Talks about "just kidding!"
• West Hollywood.
• Thrashed in West Hollywood!!
• Watching one of my best friends preform !!! <3 <3 <3 <3
• Diego and I cracking up at the wierd chic rocking out HARD.
• Diego, Leesha and I dancing in the corner of a lesbian bar.... yep. We know what's up.
• After party at Dennys.... hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
• "Here are your chopsticks" Waiter hands us our silverware... and yes... he is Asian.
• Leesh and I's failed attempt at a high five=uncontollable non-stop laughter for 30 minutes. Looking like total idiots.

Over all I am quite happy. I love everyone in my life. I love my new friendships <3 I love being young and just being spontaneous. Not worrying too much over little things and just going with the flow. Here's to a new year of life, a new job, new friendships, new loves, new clothes, new shoes, new co-workers, new bosses, new everything. Bring it on 22. Bring. It. On.

 

Cheers.

 

 

 

6 Flags!

Was a huge success!!! 14 of us in total!  I went on all the rides Iw anted to get on.  Holy crap!! Green Lantern was NUTS! I can't wait to go back again this Saturday... lol two Saturdays in a row.  I think Vanessa had a good birthday over all, aside from boy drama.

Anyhow, other than that, not much has really happened. Same ol stuff. Not much to blog about atm.

Where to begin?? Fun week.

Where do I start?? haha.  This past week has ruled hard!

Satruday:  I went to Camarillo with Leesh and Ness. We shopped hard... not really. But we did get some American Apparel gear at a discount price haha.  We also met up with Diego :D  Poor guy was stuck in traffic but he finally made it. We ate at the Cheesecake Factory, YUM! After that we jsut hung around town and ended up at *bux and took "hardside photos". LOL.

Sunday: I led worship for the first time in the Spanish Venue. It was fun! I was really nervous at first because I hadn't sang in Spanish in a long time, but it all came out awesome and for the Glory of God. Wuick hsout out to Martin, who I know was super busy but was able to come out and run sound for me :>

Monday:.... I don't remember... lol

Tuesday: After work I went and picked up my lil man Marcel. We somehoe managed to stuff a full sized fixie in the back seat of my car... haha. How we did it, I do not know.  After that, we went to Vanessa's color guard practice for a bit and made fun of her Cadet Kelly skills. She is actually real good, but we just couldn't resist.

Wednesday: I fianlly got to see the Great Commission live and hang out with my buddy Victor!! Holy crapp!! The entire show was AWESOME.  I hadn't rocked out or sang along like that in a long time, I was covered in sweat.  Anyhow, afterwards Victor and the Great Commish stayed over at my house. It was TONS OF FUN!!! All of his bandmates were super chill.nice and funny.  Ang, Justin and I went on a Deltaco run to get foods for everyone. That was fun. Justin kept saying "your peopel make awesome food", "your people this, your people that" HAHAHA Turns out he is Indian and loves hispanic food LOL. It was just real fun. I stayed up till 2 in the morning with Victor and Alonso (drummer). We were just talking about life, and how we met and all haha.  They were all just real genuine people. I wish I lived in LA so I could hang out more often with Victor and all of them :(

Thursday:  The Great Commish left around 11ish. I was glad that Ii was able to take an early lunch to say bye to them.  It's awesome when God can use you to be a blessing to someone else, even with just a simple "mi casa es tu casa", it can really bless a person. Later, after work, Leesh and I went to Taco Bell and stayed there for liek 2 hours... hahaha We were just having a real good conversation about life and how we are at our "social peak" haha.  Then VAMP DIARIES!!! season premiere oh my goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! After that we went bowling! Liek always. I did pretty crappy, idk, i was off the entire time LOL. Only annoying this was that annoying girl with the annoying voice with the annoying tendancy of having to touch every guy in the room and be sticky. LOL other than that, it was fun like always :)

And now it's Friday!!! Vanessa's bday weekend has begun!!! Tomorrow is 6 flags!!! And Diego is going! Yay! :D Friendship time!!!

You're not down with GPC!

This weekend turned out to be way better than expected.  Here are some highlights:

Friday: I don't really remember... lol I think I hung out with the kids and that was pretty much it.

Saturday: I went to GC for work shop #1 on digital recording...  There was only three girls there... and of course the other two had huge 4 inch heels on.... -_-  The class went pretty well though.  It was mostly stuff I already knew, since this was just an introduction to the workshop.  Later on my Uncle Ramon came up from T.O. to visit so we had family over at our house and that was pretty much all of Saturday. Family time.  Oh, and Leesha... haha. She came over to record some stuff that my sister and I had written.

Sunday:  Woke up early to go play keys with Vowed to One at a church. After that, I just worked in the studio editing stuff. After that my sis and I went to pick up the boys and headed to "Harsh House" (lol). I HAD SUCH A BLAST!!! Jessica and Nidia ended up staying over too!!! It ruled.  we played hide-and-go-seek... haha. Then when Nidia got there we all headed to Denny's... it was like 2 in the morning... haha.  Found out where the Lochness Monster was.  We just all had a good time.  When we got back and Nidia put on the Justin Bieber movie... it was actually pretty good haha and I must admit that I do respect the kid a little more now.  Anyhow, after that I went to the park cus the kids were bored... 0_0  we just sat in the park and looked up at the sky. Then we headed back and did some more star starring.  Tommy and I saw like 3 shooting stars and like 2 UFOs. lol.  We all ended up sleeping around 6 AM!!!!!

Sunday:  Had some real good girl talk with Nidia, Leesha & Jessica. Seriously, some of thee best gal friends I have.  We formed the GPC. That's right.  All in all it was just a real good two days of friendship.  I am really glad Nidia  & Jess came up.  It's always good to make real decent and genuine girl friends... since they are rare these days.  I love all my friends.

The end.

Is it just me or are female musicians underestimated? Much.

So, today I went to GC to pick up my order and this is what happened.


GC guy: Can I help you?
Me: I am here to pick up my order....the Sterling phantom power supply...
(Guy looks for it comes back to the counter)
Me: Sweet! Thank yo....
GC guy: You know you need two cables and not just one right?(with a know it all kinda of face)
Me: uhmm yea, I do. (Guy raises an eyebrow) I have XLRs at home, but now that you mention it I may need a another one just incase.  It doesn't need to be that long, since it will mainly be used for my Blue Spark condenser mic for recording.
GC guy: You have the Spark??!!? 
Me: I'll take a 5ft one. Thanks.



This happens to me all the time... And I have seen it happen a lot lately, since I started helping Vowed To One (An all girl band).  I try not to let it bother me, but it gets annoying.

When VTO played at Spirit West Coast, the day before we played some guy was talking to us and asked, "Who are you ladies here to see" and we were like, "Oh we are playing", the guy just like tilted his head and was like "You girls play? what do you play? what instruments do you have?".... then he asked Cass (bass player/lead singer) what type of bass she plays and before she could answer he said "You play a Fender right? All girls play Fenders..." And Cass was like..."Actually, I have a Music Man. Ernie Ball Music Man".  And the guy was like 0_0!

Just two weeks ago, we did an outdoor event and I didn't have a direct box so I was going to use my Keyboard amp, which is a Behringer K1800FX, which can be used like a direct box. So I took the extra mic xlr that no one was going to use and put it in, and when the sound guy noticed, he threw a fit about it and made me unplug it, because I supposedly didn't know what I was doing and messed up his mix.

Really? Some guys can be real dumb.  For example, three days ago I went to GC, I was looking for a direct box and couldn't find one so I asked a sales associate and when I asked him where they were.. he seriously had no freaken clue about what I was talking about. I was like... you know... a DI Box? You plug in an instrument to it and from there you put it into a PA....? His face, 0_0 followed by, "I don't know what that is".  In my head I was like... Why are you even working here?

Seriously though, female musicians and sound techs get underestimated big time just because we are girls.  Show us some respect.  And if we don't know what a certain thing is, teach us, but don't be all high and mighty about it.  I have seen female musicians and sound techs that can prbly play/produce 100 times better than some guys.

End rant.

peace.

This is

I was feeling creative last night and decided to make "music video" to one of our songs for Dear Mercy.  Hope you guys like it.  It's  not like high quality, but I like it :>

You're like the moving pictures 

running in and out of my head

A million voices call my name

but I feel like no one is around me

'Cus no one is around me

Look to the left there is no body there

Look to the right, looks like I am alone for the night

I am like the moving pictures running in and out of your sight

But no matter where I go you always seem to find me

How did you find me?

I am just wondering around the world

and you're still here

here with me

How are you here with me?

Why are you still with me?

Why are you here with me?

This is not right

This can not be

This is not right

How can this be?

Never thought this would be what I would become

I never thought this would be what I would become

I never thought this would be what I become

I never thought there would be a love a just for me

Soundscape fun :)

This weekend turned out to be great! Here are some highlights and blurbs

Friday:

• I took the day off 'cus i was too lazy to go to work... lol.  Instead I watched Trueblood all day! I am finally all caught up.. Holy Cow!!! That is all I am goign to say about that! I can't believe there are only three episodes left!!!!
• Hung out with the kids for a while.  We went to the park played hide and seek... well not really, more like Tommy, Marcel and I decided to hide from everyone.. LOL
• Leesha slept over.

Saturday:

• Woke up and took our precious time getting ready... haha. We seriously were not even worried about it. We just wanted to have a nice, relaxed, fun day.
• Hung out with Diego and Alex. That was fun.  I really like Alex. Real chill dude. Leesha and I both agreed that it was awesome that even when Diego wasn't with us, he came out of the venue to sit and chat with us and just talk nonsense, as if we had been friends forever. I love people like that!
• Learned that when boys are annoyed with girls they just wave hi at them when they are walking away so that they don't come near them and actually talk... LOL!
• Leesh and I got the stare down from plenty of psycho hipster/scene girls. It was actually pretty sad.  These sad girls think they need to show off their body and be sluts to be friends with guys. #yuck
• Loved watching Destruction of a King tear down the venue! lol. They really are good live and I am not just saying that to kiss ass haha.
• On our way back home, around midnight, Alisha and I stopped in Glendale at Wokton or something like that... it was DELICIOUS!!! OH MY GAH! and they close at 2 a.m.! lol
• Got home at 4 a.m. and knocked out!

Sunday: 

• Pretty much thee laziest day of our lives... we were all so tired... haha We just stayed in, watched movies. got pizza and more movies and then ice cream... hahaha. #yay!

To conclude, this weekend was well spent :)  I miss Diego.  He needs to come visit soon! maybe sometime before we go to Disneyland... yep. 

Peace.

More like The Saddest Show On The Earth.

Last night I post a status on my opinion on the circus, and I have been getting some feedback and I just need to rant. Here is what I posted:

"If you went and supported Ringling Circus, go ahead and unfriend me. Animal abusers. "in order for us to enjoy things, some things have to be abused" screw you lady ! Animals aren't things. They feel pain, sadness and loneliness too. #sorryfortherant #animalrightsactivist"

If anyone took offense to this, frankly, I don't give.  I don't mind loosing a friendship over that.  I won't stand for that.  I can't stand for it.  I am still in shock at the comment that woman said on the news.  Seriously? Beating one of God's most majestic creatures for human entertainment and pleasure makes it okay? No it does not!  God didn't make animals for us to abuse and to entertain us.  He made them to fill the land he created.  For us to watch over and to eat.  Of course I don't eat meat, but that is mostly because of factory farming and the horrible abusive ways they treat the animals and the horrible effects it has on our planet.  If you find me an organic free range cow/chicken/turkey, I might eat it, because I know it was treated with love and respect and was taken with a thankful heart.

But getting back to Ringling Bros Circus and it's supporters.  SCREW  YOU GUYS! You guys are pathetic people.  If people don't see this, then I really don't mind loosing the association.  If you want to find out more information and proof on the subject, please check out, http://www.ringlingbeatsanimals.com/ There you can find videos, links, information and documentation that shows the reality of circuses that use animals.

FYI:  I don't have an issue with anyone's eating habits. I understand that some people just don't care about the issues with factory farming, but when it comes to abusing an animal for human entertainment, that I cannot just let slide by.

Kid at heart

Yep. That's me. I seriously don't care if people think I am weird.  More than not, I rather drive my sister and our high school friends around than be in a room full of people my own age.  I seriously LOVE those kids with all my freaking heart!  Last night, Alisha and I played Cranium with Marcel, Sierra and Ness and we had a blast! Then we walked to the park and played Safari... haha I know, we sound stupid crazy right? haha But just for those few hours, we forget about all our grown up problems.   I honestly think that those kids keep us young and happy haha.  We get reminded of how much one enjoyed life when there were no worries.  In all honesty, I would fight anyone for these kids if they ever tried to get silly with them. haha. Love  you guys! Nessa, Marcel, Tommy, Elijah, Jessica, Sierra, Frank, Roman.

Anyhow, Okay so enough about that.  This Saturday Alisha and I are going to drive down to Anaheim to hang out and watch Diego's band play at Soundscape. So stoked!!! It should be plenty of fun!  I really enjoy hanging out with Diego so yay! :D

Okay I think that's about all the catching up and what not to do.

Peace!

Fun times at LACMA

Saturday I went to go hang out with @Diegofails. I had such a good time! I hope I don't sound like a jerk, but as much as I love my friends here in Bakersfield, it was really nice to get out of town and hang out with people that I never get to see.

When I first got to Diego's house, we hung out with Randy and Rachel.  It was real nice talking to them. They are such great people.  Randy was getting all crazy and planning trips to Sea World, Vegas and anywhere hahaha.  Oh and their kids, dohhhhh, do cute! All three of them lol.

So, when Diego and I finally went to LACMA, we went and saw the La Brea Tar pits. It was pretty cool.  I wonder what all is in there. lol.  The Tim Burton exhibit was, beyond AMAZING.  I absolutely LOVED it! So glad Diego asked me to go with him.  I wish we could have taken photos, but ofcourse, we weren't allowed.  I saw some of the most bizzare, coolest things ever!  It was nice getting to share that with Diego :)

After that, we went and saw Planet of The Apes. It was pretty good. Oh! but the best part of the movies was when we were watching the credit, a stupid commercial for a "suspenseful" movie came on, and there was a loud BANG!!!! and of course I jumped, threw my wallet up int he air and looked like a total disaster hahaha. Diego was laughing at me so hard :( hahaha. It was pretty funny.  Any how, to some it all up, I wish the day could have lasted longer and I can't wait to hang out with him again. And Randy & Rachel too.


:)

Another angry post...

Sorry about all the anger lately but gosh darn it! I hate it when GUYS try to purposely one up you when you're a GIRL.  What's your problem dude?!  Seriously it is so ANNOYING when dudes try to act tough and try to make a girl look stupid for no apparent reason?

Um sorry that I said "Hey! My friend is in that band!".  Apparently, I am not allowed to know any dudes in any big bands... Ugh yea okay? What's up with that?  Why would I lie on the internet about my friendships with people?? 'Cus I am a girl starving for attention? HAHAHAHA. No. Not at all.  Also, I don't need to prove anything to you. You can doubt me all you want, call me a liar, do it. I usually don't care at all, but when you publicly try to put a dent on my name, you're going to hear my two cents.

By the way, you aren't "hard" or "cool" when you do that, you're just a douche bag.  Forget you dude, I have been in this world longer than you have, and I have been in this music scene far longer than you too.  You don't know  my life, where I have been and who I've met, and who my friends are.

So in conclusion, You're just an uncool douche. Get over yourself.

You know what's really upsetting is...

When believers in Christ act as if they are the most righteous people on Earth.  I mean, who are we to say anything? Aren't we all human beings in the end? Do we not all sin one way or an other on a daily basis?  And aren't all sins the same in God's eyes? I believe that is all in the Word.
 People forget that Jesus showed everyone GRACE.  G R A C E, grace. A second chance, a fresh start, forgiveness, etc.  Why are Christians constantly attacking non-believers, fallen Christians and even other Christians?? Seriously? WHY? I don't get?

Does it make you feel better about yourself? Is you telling me that my tattoos are "evil" going to guarantee you a spot in heaven? Or is you telling your friends. "omg, i can't believe them, they are so wrong" making you any more Christian?

I have lived most of my life being a victim of "hate preaching".  That's what I am going to call it.  Rather then people praying for others and showing grace, they call out all their flaws and say, this is wrong, you're disappointing, that's not allowed.  This issue seriously stirs me up so bad.  I am tired of seeing people stay away from God or church because of the people in it! Sorry for sounding like such a downer, but stop being such a giant snob! You are no better!  Let he has not sinned throw the first stone... remember that bible verse?

Learn how to love and show grace to others.

That's all.

p.s. to anyone who has been a victim of hate preaching, don't let it discourage you. God loves you.& so do I :)

Really humbling

When you hear or see people say nice things about you, without even knowing you.  It melts my heart. haha. Wow that sounds so cheesy, but it is true. Anyhow, on to the updates in my life

Fun: 
- Leesha and I made a new cover vid.  Check it out! Our friend Korey requested it.  We literatley did this cover in less than 20 minutes, learned it, practiced and recorded it on my iPad 2! That little sucker is pretty decent.
- Oh I am very ancy for this weekend!!! Going to go to LA and hang out with @Diegofails! Should be tons of fun! We are going to visit the LACMA and see the Tim Burton exhibit!!! I have been dying to go! Diego is super chillllllllllllllllllllllllllll :)
Work: 
- Same ol boring dumb crap. How sad. Still searching for a nother job.  I really don't want to be here anymore.  


School: 
- I am actually really enjoying this online class... although I have been slacking!!! ( I still haven't even finished the first week... and I have like four weeks left to complete 6 weeks of material) But I am confident I can squeeze it all into my crazy schedule.  Is it wierd that I have to carry my iPhone or Ipad aroudn with me  becasue I need my calendar to do anything! I am always getting "booked" to do this or that and such.  I guess I like being busy haha.

Spiritual:(this is a new section)
- I know I really haven't had much of a spiritual life lately, but last night, God really opened up my eyes and heart.  I can do so much when I let Him do his work through me.  Despite the fact that I have not been living with a erving heart, the instant I change my heart to a serving heart, He uses me.  It really made me reflect on the blessings and gifts that he has given me. Thanks Abba.

:)

It really has bee a while

Since I last blogged on here.

I have just been real busy with the ups and downs of life. Quick recap.

- Still looking for a new job.  My boss is a total douche.  "If you begin working less, which is a possibility, I would probably begin looking for someone to work full-time and then you would most likely to be the first one laid off if we could not support both of you. I receive resumes weekly for someone wanting to work here. You may have to decide which is more important to you currently and in the long run."  He is talking about my education... Making me choose between SCHOOL and WORK.  Really?  What kind of attorney does that? Didn't you go to school for like ever???????????

- My cousin Mary passed  :(
My sweet prima, I am so sorry I never got the chance to visit you sooner. I really wish I could have gone this past 2 weeks ago. You were always such a nice, caring and honest person. I’ll always remember that about you. You were so brave up until the end. 26 years isn’t enough time, but for reasons unknown, life just went that way.  I hope you know that your son is going to be very loved and we will make sure he knows what an amazing mother he had, he may only be a few months old, but we will make sure he remembers you.  I know that one day I’ll see you again in heaven. I love you so much and I’ll never forget you ♥
Love you Mary.


- S&F was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Met some awesome people. Made new friendships stronger :) Can't wait for next year :D


- This last week I was up at Old Oak with Cass, Lori and Tiff. OMG. TOO MUCH FUN! It was so nice and sweet hearing and seeing these little tweens worshiping God and also telling us how they want to be like us.  Moments like that are what I live for.  We also played at Spirit West Coast in Monterrey.  That was a blast too.  Camping was too funny.  some highlights from my week off work with Vowed To One:

• Day 1, wash hair. Day 2, do not wash hair, Day 3, Happy Hat Day! lol
• Girl time <3
• Nachos & root beer floats
• John Cox
• Captain random
• "I don't do front hugs, I am a side hug kind of guy"
• 9 girls in one tent?!
• Porta-potty Party!!

So it's been real busy. haha.  I start school on Friday, on top of an online class... yay... -_- Thank God it's just a weekend class  :D


Oh and one more thing... I just love how people who are miles away try to bring you down.  This last week I had two people do that.  Funny how while they were on facebook, sitting, watching, and judging me, I had the time of my life playing worship at camp leading hundreds of kids into God's presence and then played at Spirit West Coast, one of the biggest Christian music festivals.  Yeah, you're comments don't phase me at all.


Good day!
:)

Just me, Pool fun, Pomona

Welp, It's still kinda weird not having anyone around at my house. Just me.  My family is coming back on the 16th so next Saturday.  It get's kinda creepy at night... well not creepy, but I definitely don't feel as safe in this house all by myself at night haha.  I have a bat next to my bed LOL.

Not too much has happened since my last post. Thursday a bunch of the guys came over and swam.  That was fun. I didn't get int he pool though because of my new tattoo.  I met Shea.  He's a pretty nice guy. I felt horrible though 'cus dumb Cove and Roxie bit him! :(  It was kinda funny but sad at the same time.  Uhm, that day after the guys left, I took Tommy & Marcel to get pizza and doughnuts... omg it was real good... haha but real bad lol.

What else... Oh! Yesterday I woke up to a txt from DIEGO!!!  I had almost forgotten that his band, Destruction of A King, was playing in Pomona at the Glasshouse.  He was checking to see if I was going. It was a real fun morning cus of his stupid txt messages lol.  He also shared some deep stuff with me.  It really makes me feel good to know that people can trust me with deep things.  He told me that I was one of the only girls that he considered to be his real true friend. :)  I am always here for my friends.  There may be miles in between us but I will always stay loyal to you.  Anyhow, Chris and Trav ended up coming with me to Pomona.  It was real fun.  Diego got me vip/band passes. I got to go hang out back stage and even be on the side stage during their set. HAHA. It felt cool... i have to admit... lol.  After the show Chris, Trav and I went to Denny's and basically went into a food comma after. HAHA.  We were so tired. I don't even know how we got home alive lol.  it was 2:30 in the morning when I got home!

OH! one other fun thing that night, while I was waiting for Dieg to meet me, some guy who was going to the show shouted... "HEY!!! YOU!!!! HEY!!!" So i turned around and said..." Me? haha yea?"  And the guys says... "You're the girl from youtube!?! You play the guitar and you sing!YOU HAVE AN AMAING VOICE!!! OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE HERE INFRONT OF ME!!!"... I was in shock hahaha I started cracking up.... I was like... "Omg THANK YOU!! You are too cool!" haha And some girl next to him was asking me where she can hear my stuff.  It was real SWEET. and it really boosted my confidence in my ability to sing and write. :)  It was a real good time down there.


Alright I think that is all for now.  Time to find out what to do tonight.

Warped and stuff

I am so tired! I don't even know how I am awake right now.  Anyways, time to catch up on some stuff.

- Family left to Mexico last Friday, the won't be back until the 16th... Kinda lonely at home but, I have been able to get more chores done haha... weird.  I really miss my little sister.  She drives me nuts, but I still miss her.  She is one of my closest friends.

- Friday was pretty fun.  Went to "Harsh House" as Corey calls it, and hung out with Leesh and the guys.  We stayed up playing Apples to Apples.  It was pretty stinking funny.  I actually cried from laughing when Korey picked "My Hair" for Feminine on my turn. HAHA.  I don't know why it was so funny to me.

- Saturday we left to Ventura for Warped! Walked around down town, had lunch at Nature's Grill, went to American Apparel.  Trav turned into a grump for the most part of the day and ditched me and Leesh.  Leesh and I ended up going to this old school candy and soda pop shop....OMG! We bought like a pound of taffy and some Jone's Soda... it was bad... real bad haha.  There were wrappers all over our hotel room floor haha.  Then we met up with Jen and her friend and drove to T.O. to go to the Cheesecake Factory. BOMB.  After that Jessica met up with us and the party began... not really but it was awesome! haha.  We were all so tired but couldn't sleep haha.  Then Leesh started talking nonsense... "hate means love, love means yes, and yes means....".  I guess you had to be there haha.

- Sunday was Warped!  Had a blast but omg do I feel like I am getting old.  So  many KIDS! SCENE KIDS! eughh. and skanks, and wierdos haha.  I think my favorite part of Warped was watching Relient K. Gah i love them so much!! 2nd favorite band int he world haha.  I have been listening to them since I was 13!!! that's almost 10 full years. Crazy.  Their fans and crowd was pretty nuts.  A lot of crowd surfing and weird moshing was going on haha.  August Burns Red was also pretty nuts! Amazing melodies and riffs for sure.  I got kicked in the head by some fat crowd surfer chic, but it's all good 'cus i punched her in the crotch haha.  Over warped was pretty fun :)

- Monday - 4th of July, it was weird not having any family there with me.  I had a small BBQ.  Leesh, Trav, Esther & Zach, Bart & Lori and Tiff came over.  It was pretty chill. We watched most of inception haha. I finished it with Leesh.

Welp, that's pretty much all the catching up to do for now.

Then Sings My Soul

Sometimes, it takes the innocence and understanding of a 14 and 17 year old kid to make you realize things that you once have forgotten. Like how important it is to be close to God. Like how that burning flame inside of you to ignite the youth needs to be fueled and lit to a point where it is uncontrollable wild fire.  It is so strange to me how God works.  I know a lot of my friends don't believe in God or anything, but to me, in my heart, I know He is real. Marcel and Tommy have been such a huge blessing in my life and I truly believe that God has led our friendship together along with my little sister. It's funny to me because rather than me teach them, they have taught me.

 Those two boys are so crazy, hyper and loud and sometimes obnoxious but last night, I really noticed something.  I've caught this a few times but last night I really noticed it.  On our way to drop them off Tommy changed my iPhone and plugged his and he put on a band called Ascend the Hill, a worship band.  I was surprised because it is not exactly what you would expect them to willfully listen to in the car.  As I was driving, I could see from the corner of my eye and hear them signing these old, old, old  hymns and although they were just whispering it, singing it softly, I truly felt the extent of their soft worship.  It really humbled me and made me reflect on how passionate I was when I was their age and how God can use this generation to humble an older generation. I remember being in their place, being a teenager, being in youth,  playing on the worship team, having "Uh-oh here comes Jesus moments", doing all that I could to let the world know that their is a God.

I know I am only 4-8 years older then them, but even still, they are of a generation that is after me, and as the Word says, "generations to come after will do more things than the ones before...".  God is too funny, last night I didn't even want to stay out late, much less with my sis and the kids.  But for some reason I did and although I went to sleep late and came in to work late, I think God wanted me to see that.  Remind me of the worshiper that I once was, with the heart and love of a child to their father.

Truthfully humbled,
Ellie

I am a 16 year old trapped in a 21 year old's body

OMG! I HAD SO MUCH FUN THIS WEEKED!!

- Friday's house show at Nolan's was chill.  Grim played their first "trial" show haha.  Good times. Got some funny video of that stuff, I'll post it later.

- Saturday, Went to the Music and Arts Fest for a lil while.  Watched the lil broseph's(Marcel) and son's(Tommy) band, On The Brink Of Defeat.  I love watching those kids play and just do what they do.  I can't wait to see what God has in store for them.  Saw EMERY!!! <3 They played all the songs I wanted to hear, well that's 'cus every song of theirs is AWESOME! FAVORITE BAND IN THE WORLD!  I hadn't actually rocked out that hard in a while haha.

- After Emery played we all left and went to Chilies where Tommy got told by the lady sitting infornt of us hahah... "HEY CALM DOWN!!" LOL!! Then we went to Riverwalk and played hide and go seek ballon fight in the dark.  OMG that was the funnest thing ever! Girls against boys. haha You should have seen Alisha and I HAHAH. We were sweating like no other hahaha.  We won of course.  Thanks to me haha :p  

- Afterwards, we got the brilliant idea of TP Trav and Nick's trucks, since they were hanging out.  Since none of us knew where Nick lives, we had to be detectives and figure it out by the clues. HAHA. We all ahd bits and pieces of info and so we creeped around the neighborhood and surrounding area trying to find their trucks LOL!!!  When we were about to leave when we finally found them!!! And of course Trav and Nick were standing outside, with the garage door opened and the lights on..... HAHAHAHAHAHA we got CAUGHT LOL!!! Aisha, Ness and I could not stop laughing.  We drove by again 2 times and threw toilet paper at them HAHA.  I hope Nick doesn't get creeped out haha, it was just too funny.  He prbly thinks I am loser, o well, we all still had a good laugh.

Seriously though, Leesh and I felt liek we were teenagers again haha. So tired now. Time for sleep.
Church in the morning.  Im playing all 4 services which means I should have been sleeping hours ago cus I have to wake up at 6 to be at church by 7. Ughh.  Well goodnight world :)

ARE YOU SERIOUSLY NOT GONNA PAY ON TIME?!

WHAT THE CRAP!!!!!!
Okay so for the last 4 pay dates at work, we have been paid 1-2 days late.  This is beyond crap.  I work for an attorney, you would think that an attorney would be the most professional of all bosses, but no, not my boss.  I was already late on my Macbook payment and now I am late on my car insurance, all because my boss can't pay us on time.  Two days ago when I noticed we didn't get our stub (I have auto-deposit so I get a stub the day before it's paid into my account) I went into his office and asked him what was going on all he said was "ohh sometimes I forget or there isn't enough money"... That is Horse CRAP.  How is there no $$??? People pay him $1,000-$3,500 a case... we are one of the busiest bankruptcy firms and you're gonna tell me there isn't enough money?? HAHAHAHAHA.  What a LAZY, IRRESPONSIBLE person.  Oh and yesterday I get a call from the main office from one of the girls saying that we are now going to get paid on the 5th and 20th of each month instead of the 1st and 16th.  I have to rearrange my payments now so that I can pay them on time.  This is ridiculous.  That means this pay check, that I was supposed to get on the 16th, has to be stretched almost 20 days!!!!!!!!! Are  you serious? I am so ready to just leave home and not do anything, I ain't getting paid so forget it.  I ain't even gonna trip about work today.  If he isn't going to compensate us like he is supposed to, Im not gonna worry about working like I am supposed to. I have been working here for a lil over 3 years, and this stuff is happening? Really?  SCREW YOU!! PAY ME ON TIME!! OR DON'T FREAKING HIRE PEOPLE IF YOU CAN'T PAY THEM!! Any one looking for office work or paralegal stuff?  I am seriously job hunting as of yesterday.

On another note, I hope this weekend goes well.  Free house show tonight and then EMERY tomorrow! (My favorite band in the universe), and playing all 4 services on Sunday at NLC.  Also, hanging with my kids Saturday and Sunday, maybe even tonight.  It should be fun and busy.  I need something to take my mind off of this crap even though I am broke and can't buy stuff or even food.  I really don't want to use my credit card.

I told you to be patient, I told you to be fine

This weekend started out good and fun and ended kind of sad.  Nothing really happened to me but my lil sis went through something that I know all girls hate.  Hearing that the boy you love doesn't know what they want, and never getting a clear answer.  I don't think I have ever seen her so sad.  I had to be strong last night and not show any feeling because I have to be un-bias in this situation because he is also my lil friend.  I don't think he really meant to hurt her, he is a good lil guy.  I say lil because... well I am 21 and they're 14-15 years old.  This whole situation also made me realize that there really is no age for true heart break.  To be honest, it reminded me of my situation from back in the day... If you have read my blog, you can actually see what I am talking about.  Anyways, I hope they can stay good friends.  It would be real sad if they don't.

On to something not so sad.  Hung out with my kids, Ness, Tommy, Marcel and Jessica, this weekend.  They keep me on my toes lol.  Always so loud and crazy haha.  Saturday night we went to Denny's with Leesh and at the end of the night Alisha and I were like... omg.... we are getting old because more that half the stuff they were doing was RETARDED.  I know it may sound weird but the way I see it is that I always wanted an older sister or brother that I could hang out with and drive my friends and I around so I try to be that for my lil sis.  I rather be hanging out with her and her friends than not know anything or anyone in her life.  It's a good way that I keep an eye out on her ya know. Plus, those kids are like my friends too, only they look up to me and stuff, it is actually real nice.

I saw Super 8 today.  OMG I hate Alisha!!! I had never seen the previews or anything so I agreed to go.  If there is anything that I fear most in the world it's: Dinosaurs, Aliens and roaches.  HAHA I know how can I be scared of dinosaurs and aliens? LOL I really don't know but I always have, since I was a child.  The movie was pretty good but it did scare me a few times... jumped up alot, spilt the popcorn, screamed, etc. 

Well I think that is about all I can think about at the moment.  Gonna catch up on Trueblood.

The Past Few Days

Okay so I have been a horrible blogger and have neglected writing haha. Tumblr takes up most of your life... just kidding.  So time to catch up.  Since it has been like a week or so I will just highlight the events I remember.

- Didn't go to LA to visit Flower :( She got real sick, had to be rushed to the emergency room  so yea.  She is doing better but still not well enough to hang out and go out and about.  Instead I went to magic Mountain with my family.  My uncle flew in from Mexico so I just spent time with family.  I had a lot of fun.  I can't believe my mom actually went on almost every ride we went on haha, even Dejavu!

- Rocking Roots 2011 was actually a lot of FUN.  I met some real nice, awesome people and got to hang out with the guys.  I feel like I am finally beginning to be good friends with them.  Bruce is hilarious, nice dude.  Finally met Corey 559 in person haha, real chill dude too.  I spent most of RR with Jessica.  I missed her! So glad we could hang.  It real hard making girl friends and she is definitely a good friend.  The best parts of RR was Sean getting knocked out haha.  It was funny but sad at the same time.  I seriously got real worried when I saw all the guys carry him.  I ran up to Sean on the floor and asked him if he needed anything and all he said was "Bring me a girl with big boobs" HAHA. Glad he is okay.  The second thing was Chris getting all crazy with the chair haha.  If you were there, you know what I am talking about, I don't think that is ever going to leave Chris LOL.  Oh there was also crazy hippie knife girl haha.  Real psycho girl was trying to fight every guy in the crowd.  She ran after Dylon from Taft at one point and Javi started chanting "Meth, meth, meth" and pretty soon the whole crowd was chanting that.

- Hanging out with my kids was fun.  Tommy, Marcel, Frank, Elijah, my sis and Jess. haha  Those boys are too much!!! Saturday night after rocking roots and Denny's we went to my house and Tommy thought it would be funny to jump into the pool... at 2 in the morning!!! followed by the rest of the crazy bunch haha. Sunday picked up the boys again minus Elijaha nd Frank. Tommy and Marcel were being ratarded lol. What else... oh yea! Lobsterbush! hahaha and Watttahhh!  All in all, I love those kids.  Is it weird that at times I really don't mind hanging out/chaparoning 15-17 year olds?

- I am moving offices again at work.  It will be better becuase it's across the street from the main offices so hopefully that will solve the whole lack of communication problem we were having before.

That's pretty much all I can think of for now.  Over all, I am just looking forward to all these new friendships.


:)

I can't think of a clever title

"I learned a lot about falling in love when I fell out of love
I learned a lot about being a friend when I was alone
Well I played with fire, I burned it all down
I’ve made more mistakes than you can count" - Tiger's Jaw//I Never Saw It Coming


Just catching up a bit, it's been a while.  Nothing real fun/exciting has happened, but this summer does look promising :D
- Girl weekend with Flower 5/27-5/29
- Rocking Roots 6/3-6/4
- T-Mills Show! (I know lol!) 6/11
-EMERY!!! 6/18
- Magic Mountain (Im planning this atm so if you want to come let me know!) 6/25
- Warped Tour weekend!!!! 7/2-7/3
- Sound & Fury! 7/22-7/24


This weekend I am driving down to Simi Valley to hang out with Flower. So Stoked for that!!! I can't even begin with all the crazy stories we have being misfits when we were younger hahaha.  Ex. I think we are the only girls who were ever accused of sleeping in the boys cabin... at church camp. HAHAHA! when in reality we were stuck in the car becuase there was a SWARM OF GIANT RACCOONS!  Or that one time we stole a 6 pack of rockstars from the van at church camp... hahaha we were bad LOL.  I guarantee you this weekend will be crazy haha. Seriously in a huge need of seeing her and just getting away from Bakersfield and stuff. I probably won't want to come back home.


Anyhow, Im not sure what else I want to write about. haha, not really in a writing mood I guess.

Eh.

There's that feeling again.
A L O N E.

I know I am not alone, I have the best friends, sister and all the cousins any one could have (lol), but I still feel kinda gloomy at times.  I want to feel that happy feeling again, the chispa, butterflies kind of happy, but, there is no one at the moment.  I hate remembering the past.  And I hate that just thinking about something can make me so angry.  That's just life though.

On to catching up!

Well nothing new has really happening but I'll list a few things that have happened :)
- Really into bike riding. i actually LOVE it.
- Looking for a new job, I really can't take the disorder and lack of management here
- Piano, I've been playing it a lot recently.
- New tatts! I got Con Fuerza right above my knees.  It means With Strength.  This tattoo means so much to me.  Madball's song Con Fuerza reminds me of my family and all the values I hold.  Never give up, always look forward. It was also the most painful tattoo!!! OUCH! haha I am surprised I didn't kick Salty in the face haha.

Well I think that just about sums it up for now.

We've Lost It All, The Love Is Gone

Firstly, I never blog at this time, but I need an out. Secondly,  I really hate writing about this and feeling like this, but this is my only escape besides music.

I don't know why I am even getting watery eyes from this.  It's so not like me.  I just hate feeling, alone.
What if I did mess it up, what if I am the one running away...? I really don't know.  It's not fair, 'cus either way, I would still stay the same lone wolf so what good would it be to know?  I wish I could hear God tell me, but of corse, God works in his own way and we must go through life and experience things first hand.

I think more of it has to do with me feeling ripped off.  Ripped off in that I have been nothing but supportive and positive about things while on the flip side you weren't there for me.  Happiness isn't mine to take or get in the way of.  It stupid to want to turn back time so I am not going to say that, I am just going to say that if I ever have another opportunity of happiness or something like that, I hope you can be there for me and put all feelings aside.

If only I had seen you the way you saw me, maybe this wouldn't be. But I can't blame myself for not seeing what I wasn't mean't to see and I can't blame you for not trying. I wish I could have returned all the feeling and love, but I just can't, couldn't and don't know if I will ever be able to.  This heart is too shattered.  I hope in the future I can learn to reciprocate those feelings to someone who shows them to me.  I need to be happy. For reals happy.

I told you this weekend was gonna rule

Had so much f u n! Everything ruled haha.

Friday: BBQ at Leesh and Trav's.  Made myself a bomb veggie burger.  Chris and Korey came over. The boys had another "tattoo party".  That was interesting.  We didn't get to bed till like 2a.m. ughh.

Saturday: 6 Flags!!! WOO! Me feet still hurt haha.  Trav and I met up with Jessica and her best friend Karissa.  We had such a blast! Karissa is such a sweetheart too! Yay for new friendships :)
some hightlights
- Jessica's brilliant idea of getting on the Log Jammer... We all came out drenched!
- Creepy guy with the gold chain in the line for Goliath
- Apocalypse! Almost flying out of the seats haha
- "Mariposa"
- Dejavu!
- All of us so tired we don't even know what we're talking about haha
- Denny's!!

I miss Jessica and Karissa! I can't wait till we all get together again! Im gonna buy the Disney season pass! Stoked! Jessica may come over this weekend, I hope she does!

Sunday: Church was awesome! I love my Pastors and everything about NLC! After church, Ness and I went to hang at Leesh's. Pretty lazy day.

Not my kind of post

This post will start with a vent in the form of a list. If you read my blog and don't want to hear it, then I suggest you click the "x" on the top right corner. Note: This vent is about a lot of people/things.  Don't get offended.

- I hate that I don't hear from you in while and then all of a sudden every two weeks you send me a stupid txt with parts of lyrics and expect me to finish the sentence for you.  What is up with that?
- I hate guys that have girlfriends and fb chat/txt you single lines like "F U" and "burp". I am like wtf? Again, what is that all about?
- I hate that I reply to ur dumb txt/msgs and expect you to want to start a conversation but instead leave me hanging... If you don't care to know how I have been or if you don't care to answer my "So, how have you been?" Don't txt/msg me!
- I feel like no guy will ever talk to me because of my ex and it really bums me out.
- I am upset that I actually thought you were being more than "nice".
- Being confused is annoying.
- I don't know how to act around you anymore.
- I hate that I feel like I am to blame.
- I hate that I feel that due to circumstances, your view of me was distorted and you didn't really get the chance to see the real me.
- Hoping that I'll get a txt from you/Not having the guts to txt you.
- Feeling like I can't be me around you sucks.
- Student loans SUCK SUCK SUCK
- I hate how insecure you get about everything, not everything is about you.
- If you're so happy in love, stop txting me. 
- I used to have so many friends, what happened?
- I hate that I think about your stupid sweet txt msgs
- I feel like I lost my chispa.

Sorry for the long vent, it's not really like me to post stuff like that.  If you know me, you know I need to write things out. Anyways, on to good things about this past weekend.

Friday: Moved Alisha all into her new house! So happy for her. Helped her get everything set in her room.  The dudes (Korey, Chris, Nick) were over too helping Travis out.  It was interesting. A lot of messing around lol.  Korey is funny.  I like arguing back with him.  Guess his jerkness kinda reminds me of my brother's.  The guys had a "tattoo party".  I got pizza and drinks for all us.  Nessa and I stayed over. It was fun. Again, so happy that Leesh finally has a place of her own, and Travis too.

Saturday: I was so busy! Helped Leesh out some more with the moving stuff. Then I had 2 photo shoots that turned into one GIANT photo shoot.  Im talking about almost 3 1/2 hours of shooting 15+ people... I was exhausted by the time I was finished. Then I went back to Leesh and Trav's house.  Some how Trav and I got to talking and the subject of the guys saying Im mean came up.  Apparently all of them think I am mean.  Travis said they didn't say it like in a bad way but just that I am a lil mean.  I felt horrible. I am so not mean!  When I am mean to them, I am just being playfully mean lol. UGHH I blame Christian for this! He taught me all about being mean growing up haha.  I think that maybe these guys are used to little girls not standing up for themselves or being able to talk back to them that me being able to have better or equally good come backs/disses is weird to them. I hope the know that 99% of the time I am just joking.  I like those guys, real chill.  Im just a lil fiesty :)

Sunday: Church pretty much all day! I played the keys.  I was so tired, but I love my NLC family! After i was done with church around 5:30 pm I went to Leesha's to get my laptop charger. Ended up staying there and working on my paper for Env. Science. Hailey and Heather came to visit, it was too fun! I had a blast talking to them and finally meeting Heather lol.  A lot of stuff was talked about and revealed... LOL. We are gonna hang out on Friday. Should be interesting :)

Rollercoaster

This weekend was filled with ups and downs. I won't talk about it but yea...
Wish it had gone better but that's life.

Friday: Finally went to visit my Esther Sunshine at her new place.  I love her. best friend since church camp 06 haha.  It was real nice getting to hang out with her, just us two girls. I then later went to meet up with Jessica.  That was a fun adventure all in it's self haha. Let's see. First, there was the instant cupcake connection.
We're both a little clumsy haha:
1)I forgot my wallet had to go back and get my car.
2) Jessica kept driving off instead of turning into Denny's hahaha
3) I forgot my wallet again in the car!! hahaha
We could not stop cracking up and how dumb we were LOL.
We pretty much stayed up until 2 in the morning. I had a blast.

Saturday: Did a photo shoot with my cousin Alondra. That was fun but so frikin tiring cus it was an outside shoot and we were goign from place to place. Then I had lunch with Jessica at elephant bar (mmm!). It was delicious and I introduced Jessica to sweet potato fries, she loved them! It was real nice talking to her about life, mostly guy issues and stuff.  I wish things had gone better for the both of us in our situations. But I guess that is life. All we can do is learn from it.  But anyhow, after that we went back to Trav's and hung out with the guys. Then Jessica had to leave :( I wish she lived closer. Total BFF material haha. I really enjoyed making a new friend :) Jess, if you read this, come back soon!!! lol.

Sunday: Lazy day. Went walking to Macaroni Grill with Nick and Trav. I think everyone was pretty tired and lazy and bored haha cus when we got back, we literally say on the couch for like 2-3 hours haha. Then later when Alisha came back into town we went to watch RIO. I LOVED IT!!!

So that was my weekend. I hope this week goes by fast and quick. It's gonna be a busy one!

Brighter

Today was the first time in a long time that I fell asleep and woke up with a smile on my face.
:) <--- smile!
What the heck? Haha. So far this day has been ruling.
- Yummy strawberry, banana, blueberry smoothie for breakfast
- Nice clients
- At lunch got 2 compliments on my hair :D
- Got asked if I was the piano player at New Life Center and told that they really enjoyed my playing.
AWESOME. Stuff like that never happens to me.

Last  night I had a break down and Im really glad my brother called me back 'cus I really needed to talk to someone who would not pass judgement and just be straight forward and real with me.  I had been holding back so much anger and emotion but now I feel like I've let some if not most of it go.  What's the point of replaying foolish memories in my head if they tear me down?

Oh! I have made some new friends yay!  Lately I have been getting to know Jessica. She is such a sweet heart. I feel like we have been friends for much longer, even though we have never "officially" hung out haha. Is that weird? And then there is Nick. He makes me laugh a lot. :) I think we are going to be real good friends, mostly because he used Harry Potter lingo with me haha and he makes me laugh a lot. Wait, I already said that.

Hope this weekend keeps ruling :)



p.s. PROTEGO!

Writing saves

Writing and music are the only ways that I can truly showcase all that I am feeling.  If it wasn't for writing,  I don't know where I would be today.  Here is a poem/piece that I wrote today.


Im over it. It is done and dealt with.
Im a crappy person? alright. Im a jealous person? sure. Im an idiot? Yea ok. I made myself like this? I did.

I don’t need to hear what a person thinks of me if it is not going to edify my life in a positive light.  So take your bag of pride with you and move along. You can try to paint a picture of me but it won’t be the real, authentic and true picture of me. I have my own set of brushes, I don’t need yours.

New friendships, Fun, and More

This weekend was pretty amazing.  I had so much fun and it was real cool finally getting to hang out with Trav's friends and feeling like they were my friends too, not just ppl i know. I really liked that the most about this weekend.  I love making new friends and I felt like I did :)

Friday:
Facedown Fest day 1 was cool.
- Adventure time with Trav, Chris, Javi, Korey and my lil sis and I.
- Donuts everywhere! Not kiddign you, ic ounted in the span of 2 minutes, there was 5 donut shops, I guess Pomona loves their donuts.
- Toms burger=YUM
- HANDS was amazing.  Lil sis really liked them too so i bought her a shirt.
- WAR OF AGES!!!!!!!! I will always frikin love them!
- Hotel hangs:
- Why is there a phone next to the toilet!?
- Chris, Trav and I watching the Genie bra Infomercial for like 10 minutes HAHA
- Korey with a sad lil kid face" Ellie, can you fix my button??" LOL!

Saturday:
Facedown Fest day 2 ruled!!!
- Parking lot picnics :)
- Adventure time round two
- Strabux fun
- Pokerist w/Javi
- Antique stores galore
- Javi and his "Hey GIRLLL, I have a 2010 blue Nissan Sentra...." pick up haha
- DYNASTY! I really liked them.
- CALL TO PRESERVE. OMG best show ever! well not ever, but I was so stoked on life that I finally got to see them, but I'm kinda bummed they won;t be playing anymore.
- For Today was good.  Mattie Montgomery is so spirt led. Awesome.

Sunday:
Lazy/fun day.
- IHOP
- Weigh in with Nick, Leesh and Trav.  We r making a contest to see who can loose 10 lbs first. We are trying to motivate each other to lose weight okay! :)
- Walking to starbux
- Disney scene it. Nick and I won. Woop woop!
- Youtube surfing
- Sal-sa?!
- Catchphrase for like an hour.
- Ok bye!..... 1 hour later... still outside... talking. Ok bye for reals this time!

Over all, very fun weekend.  I enjoyed all of it.
and here's to new friendships :)

Here's to FEBE

Stoked for tomorrow! I am sure this will be an eventful weekend.  Friday and Saturday Facedown Fest and Sunday I am playing on the Northwest campus worship team.  I am going to be SO TIRED but, I am sure I will pull through and survive haha.

So last night I had like an hour long chat session with oen of my old best friends, mi negro, Alex! lol.  I miss him so much... as well as all the other Febe guys.  It was real nice talking to him.  I love how we can just pick up where we left off and still have the same amount of trust with each other.  I think it shows how much of a bond we all have with one another, like true family.

Febe was such an amazing and fun experience that I got to live.  All those memories I can never forget.  I learned so much from my 4 brothers/bandmates (Chris, Alex, Jeorge, Jesse).  Especially Christian and Alex. Sometimes I wish we could turn back time and just keep going on, but than, this wouldn't be "real life". I hope that soon we can all get together :) Here are a few pix from that time.

Here's to all the laughs, nerves, cries, frustrations, gas money spent, car rides, arguments, friendships, hours of practice, adventures, smiles, tears, talks, and pranks. 

I love you all. Always & forever.                                                                   

Kinda weird

I just looked at the "Stats" on my blog and realized o have over 35 views on just my last post... haha I didn't hink anyone really read or even looked at it. haha.  If you read my blog leave me a cmnt haha. I wanna know who lol.
I have been really into Tumblr lately.  If you have one follow me.  It's a lot easier to use than this blog, but, I have like over 3 years worth of crap i've written on here, so this will be my "real" blog and my tumblr will be my "fun" blog lol. Click to follow me!.

Work: It's been pretty boring lately and slow, which is odd for the end of the month.  My boss really needs to consider getting an online calendar or some kind of program that I can do that with out having to call the main office.  I think that is what is causing some delay in filing. ehh.

School: I have class tonight.  Yay.  Can't wait to hear what huge words and lame-long stories my teacher has for us.

Fun: I am going to have a very very busy weekend!! Playing at church on Saturday have to b there form 7 am - 12 p.m., then photo shoot at 2-4 (Im still kinda nervous about it but it should be a good experience), then Sunday im playing again have to be there prety much all day from 7 am - 7 pm haha but I love doing worship and it will be my first official time playing there as a member :)

 Facedown Fest is coming up next weekend!!! It is goign to be a blast... I hope.  So far it will be Ness, Trav, Chris and maybe Nick.  I am not even gonna think about what crazy shinanigans is gonan happen LOL. Oh, and it's Trav's bday that weekend so yay! :)

kthnxbye.

Sniffles

I hate being sick! :(
I have like 70% hearing loss thnx to my sinuses on top of my already perforated left ear drum

Friday: was alright. Got in a stupid fight with Leesh.  My fault. Had a good time on the "double date". Marcel is a weirdo! lol.  Sucker Punch was AWESOME and the sound track was dope.  I purchased it on iTunes. I had no idea Emily Browning sang.  I love her voice.  I hope she releases an album.

Saturday:  Met with a client.  Im real excited for this photo shoot.  It will be my first boudoir session.  So im kinda nervous but im sure it will go good.  Saturday night we (Nessa, Travis and I) went to the Gate.  Good local show.  Afterwards we (Ness, Travis, Marcel, Tommy and I) went to Dennys and Leesh met up with us.  These kids are fareaken crazy!!!  IDK if I can keep up with them lol.  It is weird that I am in my 20's but still hang out with lil teenagers? haha.

Sunday:  Church. Lunch. Then bought Disney's Scene It! and played for like an hour an a half hour.  Travis and I won, like always :p Also made up with Leesh.  I mean we are sisters.  And we both have our retarded and mean moments (mostly me) but in the end, we love each other like family.   Really couldn't ask for a better friend, even though she went talking to her parents who now probably hate me.. oh well LOL.  Friends till thee end.  No matter what.  Like I said 3 years ago "We beat the odds".  Forgive, Forget, and Don't Slow Down.

It's Friday.

Got to get down on Friday.

Work: This week went by okay.  Im still real backed up at work.  It freaken sucks... I hate being the only one that does what I do, especially since we have a bazzilion clients... well not really, but ya get me.  It's all on my shoulders...

bleh.

School:  School was alright this week. I really don't like my environmental teacher.  She is such a smart alec.  I mean she is funny but she always uses these big words and is sucha  motor mouth.  And she admits she is too. Idk. My math teacher however, is way cool, really enjoy his class.

Fun:  Not much this week cus I have been sick, but this weekend should be more than interesting. I finally agreed to go on a "date" with Trav, but its a friend date and its a "double date", Marcel and my sister, eugh. lol Tonight should be fun though :)

Yay Monday! -_-

This weekend was perfect!!!!!

Friday highlights: We had so much fun! Thank you everyone who was able to come and celebrate! NO BODY LIKES YOU WHEN YOUR 23.

- Last minute scavenger hunt Jen and I made for Leesh

- Yummy pretty cupcakes

- Disneyland tickets!!!
- Blink Bday cake!!!

- All my best and close girl friends here in Bakerfiled <3

- I can't do shots

- Jen and Esther pouring tons of Malibu in Alisha's drink everytime she turned aroud

- Silly picture time

- Trav, Zach, and Sammy's gay photos

- Sleepover!! uncontolable laughing.

- I ripped my shorts

Saturday highlights:
-Waking up at 5 in the morning!
- Starbucks!!
- Listening to The Used!! WE DON"T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, THAT WAS A GOOD ALBUM! lol
- We're almost there!
- YAY!!!! WE R HERE! Mickey 3C

- Minnie mouse ears

- Weird skanks

- Thee most amazing churro ever.

- AMAZING fireworks show, made me tear up.

- Esemeralda the fortune teller.. right.

- Space mountain... omg long wait  but so worth it!!

- Denny's on the way home... slowest waitress ever!!

On our way back home we had to drive through thee scariest weather ever.  Heavy rain with bad windshield wipers is not a good combo.  We hydro-planed like 10 times!!! Travis was being so brave. The wind was crazy, I thought there was going to be a tornado.  Then it started to snow! And all of this while we were fighting to stay awake, well I was, Nessa and Leesh knocked out.  Jen was in and out.  We tried talking to Trav so he wouldn't get sleepy.  He said he was fine. We made it home alive so i guess its all good :)





Sunday we went to watch Paul.  It was good,  Now back to "The Real World".  Math class tonight bleh.