we are broken

sometimes life brings you down.

but you know what, thats only cus theres something amazingly good ahead. friends, dont give up. there is so much more to live for.

i know at times it feels as if life is useless and this world is better off without you, but its not. you were put on this earth with a purpose. dont forget that.

last night was quite a scare for me.

my closest friend was going through a situation like the one im talking about.

so i just thought id write some encouraging words.

i love you.

and to my friend, you know i'd be lost without you.

we'll get through this together :]

peace

xelliex

i dont like you

i really dont.

i just love you.

there was some distant memories that oh so tightly lingered still

yet i couldnt quite figure out why

all these promises that we made

such mistakes?

oh why oh why...

did you have to go?

oh why oh why...

did you have to go?

i never wanted to

but i did

i believed you

it hard to imagine it now

how you still have me

 in your grasp with out noticing

and how im captivated

in a love that was said to never be

but meant everything to me

tell me...

was it all just make believe?

explain to me

why no one else can make me forget the way

forget the way you are?

and just know id give you anything

and i wouldn't trade this heart of mine

cus im holding on to hope...

would you take a chance on this?

would take back anything?

or are you afraid?

afraid of me?

 

birthday :D

yay!

nineteen! last year of being an official teenager...lol... kinda sad actually. 

well this morning my mmmazing friend took me out to breakfast to Corner Stone Bakery...its really good there! you should defiantly go :]

after eating we just walked around the mall and... he decided he wanted to buy me some vans... :) we looked at like 4 different stores trying to find grey classic vans in my size! geeze no one had a frikin size 8 lol so i ended up getting blue ones :D

i can truly say he is one amazing person.

anyhow, after church we all went to elephant bar to celebrate with my family and close friends!

i really wish i didn't have to leave the 805, but i must... i'll be back again though :)

peace

xelliex

the journey down south

wow.... today/tonight was mmmmmazing!

gosh, i seriously hadn't had such a good time in a very long time... and all just inside a truck a named jack... lol.

so i got to Simi around 3pm and my aunt picked me up and i finally got to see my 2 lil cousins after almost a year! i had great time hanging out with them :)

At 8ish my friend came to pick me up. 

I really dont know how to say it, but just being with them made me feel so safe and comforted. we were seriously just blasting the music, rocking out, and acting like retards and having the best time of our lives :]

thats something i haven't been able to do in such a  long time...thats what i mean by feeling comfort. 

We went to the Valley to my friends b-day party. [note: happy  birthday lily,erica,francine! hehe ;)] We ended up blasting the guitar out and working on some music ideas we have. The entire time i was with them i felt like nothing else even mattered... for those few moments, time was frozen... dang.

My friend Sarah kept counting down the minutes till 12 o'clock struck haha

when it finally did...i literately got jumped by like 7 people hugging me and wishing me a happy birthday.... i love my friends :]

so anyways,

my point is that tonight was one of the best nights i've had this entire year.

peace

xelliex

pre birthday buzz

So... one of my best friends ever, Travis, took me out to to dinner for my b-day!

He's such a punk! lol. for the past week he had been telling me about this great "plan" but it was a secret so i wasn't allowed to know what it was...haha so friday finally comes along and we go out to Johnny Rockets to eat and he says.."oh by the way, there really was no plan...HAHAHA" 

0_o

ahhh hahah but any ways, i had a blast eating my starburst he bought me :D

well gotta go pack for the weekend, im leaving to Simi in the morning

peace

xelliex

born for this

W O W!

thats all i can really say about how AWESOME God is.

it looks like things are finally starting to get better.

deep call out to deep. those words i can never forget.

me and my best friend came home last night after he picked me up from school...

and for some reason, we just put on a worship playlist and let everything go.

it was amazing feeling the presence of God again after such a long time... 

the enemy tried to pull us down and destroy what we have...but last night, we PROVED him WRONG.

just wait and see, all those who left are gonna come back, 7 times stronger.

testing the strong ones

Well here i am again...

im glad to say that i have totally improved.

that is, spiritually.

these past 3 weeks i have noticed a growth in me. im finally falling in love again, with God.

as much as it hurt, i knew that i needed this break in order for me to get back to my first and only true love. i thank God for this wilderness that i've been going through. plus...my bestest friend is getting back into God to :0) you guys have no idea how much it means to me that we're going through this together. i cant wait to see what God has planned for us. friends to thee end!

on another note, steven came over last nite. it was nice seeing him and i had a good time hanging out with him just as friends. maybe things will get better between us, all i can say is that for now, im good, lifes good.

peace

xelliex

The Blue Period

i still dont know.

 i want to stay with him, but at the same time, it just feels like there's something out there better for me and something better for him... im still waiting on that sign...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

=/

 

 

God help me out please....  

 

 

 

other than that...i cant wait till Sunday!

i get to see all my Simi friends! :D