but you dont see me, not at all

so this weekend has been quite an emotional roller coaster, I went from feeling fantastic to feeling alone to feeling ok and then mad. ehhh. that's life though I guess.
last nite me n trav had an interesting conversation. he could see something was bothering
me....I've just been real frustrated lately with everything.
like not having my own car, and my parents not being able to help me with it and work and just everything
and then when I took my lil sis to the movies wit her friends and all...it was nice seeing these girls have such a good friendship but I just felt like a loser sitting at the theaters all by myself.
alone...

I was telling trav how its just frustrating how you think and u do ur best in life and u
have an awesome personality and all that and ur even talented n chill yet, guys always say they want one thing and then go for the total oppisite. am I not girly enough? like its funny how all the guys call me one of the boys but at the same time, it makes me feel kinda...awkward. like what's wrong with me?
do I have to be all touchy and flirty and stuff? well that's not who I am. is it rele my fault that I chose a guitar and drums instead of nail polish and pink?

I'm tired of all these guys saying they want a girl who's can do all that I can do , and then just leave me standing there while they find some preppy or indie girl who doesn't even enjoy the things they do.

idk....maybe I'm just at an awkward stage in life. I probaly am. I'm just being honest with myself. I know God has the master plan and I guess we just have to wait, but guys...a word of advise, don't toy with our feelings. dont say u want one thing and then go get the oppisite.

blehhhh.

I'm ok. I've got my few close friends and my family. that all I need :]

these city lights.

so I think we have our band name.
wat do u think?
I can't wait to start structuing the songs...and finding a drummer and bass player, maybe even a second guitar
idk we'll see.
lol anyhow, just thought id scribble in a little.
this is probly gonna be random and pointless :]

-I finally got my own fone in my office. wootwoot!
16613237933 ext110 I think...haha
-I want to go see a show already, perferably styg and haste the day. that'd be siq.
- personal trainer appt. thurs yay!
-I rele dnt know why I feel like blabbing atm ^_^
-I rele need my own car....
-activia yogurt is the devil. lol!
-ishc are funny as heck
-time....its goes by fast.


k well enoughs enough ;]
peace
xelliex

catch up

hey! i hadn't realized how longs it been since ive wrote on here!
well ive been doing good. just a tad bit sick, actually, im really sick...lol i might have strep throat or some vinfection bleh. not good news.
but anyhow, on my job, well im working full time now! im so excoted about all this. so many new things have happened and its just cray how you dont even realize how time slips by so quick. today me and my sister went to best buy and target to buy some stuff and when we got home she was helping me carry my bags to my room and she said, "gee ellie, its funny how you can buy your own stuff now and drive, your a grown up now". it really is a scary thought.


kay some other stuff, i went to winter camp on saturday, just to visit, and it was AMAZING! Big Tim gave one of the best sermons or whatever you call em, ive ever heard! he spoke about authentic worship and how sometimes we kiss the toilet and then go to kiss Jesus. ugh it totally tore my heart apart when he said that because its so TRUE! we two time God and its so sad that it took me so long to really accept it and realize that needs to change that. i need to stop living a double life.

oh and well yea time and time again ppl never cease to stop surprising me.
some people would rather stay resentful over a misunderstanding than forgive and move forward.
that's just real annoying. but hey, atleast I tried to make amends but I can't force anyone to be my friend or to move forward. if the wanna stay resentful, thars all on them.
so yea i think thats pretty much it. hrm...?
:]


peace
xelliex