Firstly, I never blog at this time, but I need an out. Secondly, I really hate writing about this and feeling like this, but this is my only escape besides music.
I don't know why I am even getting watery eyes from this. It's so not like me. I just hate feeling, alone.
What if I did mess it up, what if I am the one running away...? I really don't know. It's not fair, 'cus either way, I would still stay the same lone wolf so what good would it be to know? I wish I could hear God tell me, but of corse, God works in his own way and we must go through life and experience things first hand.
I think more of it has to do with me feeling ripped off. Ripped off in that I have been nothing but supportive and positive about things while on the flip side you weren't there for me. Happiness isn't mine to take or get in the way of. It stupid to want to turn back time so I am not going to say that, I am just going to say that if I ever have another opportunity of happiness or something like that, I hope you can be there for me and put all feelings aside.
If only I had seen you the way you saw me, maybe this wouldn't be. But I can't blame myself for not seeing what I wasn't mean't to see and I can't blame you for not trying. I wish I could have returned all the feeling and love, but I just can't, couldn't and don't know if I will ever be able to. This heart is too shattered. I hope in the future I can learn to reciprocate those feelings to someone who shows them to me. I need to be happy. For reals happy.
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