I just don't know

Lately I have been having mixed feelings.

I actually kind of miss him at times... but when we hang out, I get annoyed super easy.
What's wrong with me.  Am I really that messed up? Because of my past?
I just don't know.  I try flirting and be interested for reals... but then I get random txt messages from the guy who really, really broke my heart and there I go again feeling hopeless and incapable of loving another person on that level.

My lil sis is currently talking to a boy, he is so so so cute and sweet. I love that kid.  It's weird tho cus he was my lil friend first lol. But my point is, deep inside of me when I see them or she talks to me about how sweet and cute he is, I feel like... wow, that could have been me with someone... or I think yea I remember those days...
It kind of brings me down a little inside =/

I just want someone to love, and hang out with, do cartwheels with, make music, play games, get mad and then make up with.  But I feel like I cant, I won't let that happen.  Sometimes I just want to leave this town and meet new people and make new friends because seems that everything is this town is stuck up or not interested.  I don't know.  Maybe it is just me.