it hurts

so here's the truth.
I rele can't hold it in any much longer....
I fell in love with you. ....I felt something I had never felt before.
everything that everone said that was wrong didn't matter at all to me.
I didn't care what they said. I didn't care what they thought.
you see...all that mattered in that time was that I could be my self with you.
you didn't care for what was on the outside, you cared for what was on the inside.
just being silly and rocking out to the beat of our own drum was the best.
what was even better, was that I could enjoy myself with you.
you brought out the best in me.

then....you left. you left my alone.
do you know how much I hurt?
I told myself id never fall for anyone ever again.
to try to forget you, I let some guys into my life...but I was always thinking of you.
I did everything I could to forget about you. I avoided speaking your name. and when people mentioned your name, I pretended I didn't hear and didn't care.

so a year and a half passes and I am now 18.
when all of a sudden....you walked right back into my life. the second I saw you. I felt as though my heart jumped out of my chest only to hide itself from your eyes. when I say everything, I really mean everything. memories that I didn't even know still exsisted came back to mind. pain. I wanted to leave for good and never come back to where I could possibly see you. but to my surprise, you smiled at me. and from there, a friendship that I never imagined possible began to grow.

soon after I had a boyfriend. he was a great guy, but nothing he ever did could make me forget about you. his eyes wwerent the same. I couldn't be my true self. I wanted so bad to forget about you and believe me I tried....I though I was doing a good job...but ofcorse, with every sunday that I saw you, I couldn't possibly allow myself to forget.
my undying love for you soon brought the end of my relationship. I couldn't bare watch myself hurt an innocent boy. he deserved someone who would actually love him. and not compare him to a non exsistant love.
that wasn't fair for him. and I still feel somewhat bad for using him. I didn't want to hurt him, I just wanted to forget about you.

so now months have passedand im now 19 and I can honestly say that I still feel the same about. after 2 years, nothings changed. I'm so surprised that we are able to be the good friends that we are today. I try to fight back the temptation to hold your hand and kiss your cheek. just please understand that I'm still trying to forget you. forget about the love I feel for you. I'm glad we can hang out with just me and you and have great times together. believe me, I wouldn't trade them for anything. but please....please be aware of the things you do and say. any little thing u do or say pulls the trigger inside of me.

thank you for being my bestfriend. thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life again. just know that I will always love you. you'll always have a little piece of my heart.


peace
xelliex